Out with the old, In with the new! : )

This past month has probably been the hardest  time of my life. I found out I was pregnant on my 21st birthday and two weeks later I found out I had miscarried. I ask myself all the time why me? Why did this have to happen to me. But I also believe that God has a plan for every one and that this was all apart of his plan for me. The day after I miscarried Josh broke up with me. I was devastated, first I have to deal with losing a baby then losing the person I love as well. Family members and friends told me to not go back to him but I didnt listen. I went back. And like always about a week later he broke up with me again.

This time it is for good! I should of left it alone when he broke up with me the day after I miscarried. If he really loved me he would've stayed by my side and been there for me every second. but instead he bailed and left me when I was going through one of the hardest things I will ever have to go through. And he wasnt there for me. And from that I realize he didnt really love me.

I've learned my lesson and will never go back. It's whats best for the both of us. I deserve to have someone who truely loves me and will stick by my side when I need him most and love me for every little bit of me. And he deserves someone too. To be happy. And with someone who he truely loves.

This song by Sara Evans has helped me so much. I listen to it atleast once a day.


Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
thank you Sara Evans for writing it.

its true to my story word for word and has helped me so much.

Tomorrow i have the day off from school and work and I'm cleaning everything out. Boxing up pictures, gifts everything from him and closing that chapter of my life and starting over. It will be a while til I'm able to trust someone completely but I know one day I will find that guy who truly loves me and will be by my side through think and thin. Every thing will be okay and I'm getting stronger and stronger ever minute.

It's time to go out with the old and in with the new.
Start fresh.
I deserve to be truly happy and loved and one day I will be!