Angry

My anger comes from my Dad.
I just have so many questions that im afraid to ask. I used to talk about it to someone and I got the courage to write him a letter but I was too scared to mail it to him. And still to this day im afraid to confront him. Heres the letter.

Dear Dad,

I'm not exactly sure where to start but I have a few questions for you that I need you to answer. I've been struggling to get up the courage to write to you for a very long time.
First off I want to know why...
Why did you and mom get a divorce?
I really need to clear my conscience as to why you would want to give up on your marriage and your two very young children. I was 2 1/2, Amy was 9 months, how does this happen?
Was there someone else?
There were a lot of rumors flying and I just need to know the truth.
help me understand.

I feel like I havn't had a Dad.
When you lived in Huntington and Amy and I would visit every other weekend and you would bring us home. Every time you'd leave I'd cry...
I'd stand behind the front door and look out the side window and watch you walk to the car and back out and I'd cry. I wouldn't wash my baby blanket for weeks because it still smelled like your house.
and I can still remember to this day when you told us you were moving to Missouri, it was the worst day ever I knew that I wouldn't see you as much and our relationship was going to weaken even more.
The anger I had towards you I took out on Lee for no reason. I blamed him for why you weren't here. I hated him because I thought he was trying ot replace you. When he really wasn't I hated him for years for no reason.
I feel like ever since you moved to Missouri there had been this huge void in my life, I really have needed you. I just wanted my Dad I feel you have tried to replace us and totally have started a whole new life with the move to Missouri. That your life now revoles only around Michelle, Audra and your job. I know you love me but I don't just want money and things when I call I want to be able to talk to you Dad. To know that you're willing to listen and just be there for me. I feel like you've forgotten about us.
I need my dad.
I watch a Dad from my church baptize his daughter and all I could do was cry and wish we had that relationship togehter.
I push away guys who remind me of you, who make me think of you because when I do I hurt inside because I don't want to have a good relationship with them if I cant have one with you.
it makes me hurt when I think about how you didnt get to experience all the big events in my life.
like my first sleep over, first boyfriend, all my first days of school, first dance, highschool choir concerts, prom, chior award ceremony, vocal contest, getting my acceptance letter to IUSB, the day I got my drivers license, my first day of college, and more.you werent here to yell at the boys who hurt me and brought me home late. or to ask them the 20 questions before our 1st date.
I just wish you didn't miss out on so much
and it hurts me to know that you did
I just want to know why, so that I can be at peace and move on.
so I can have that relationship with you.
I love you Dad and I always will. I just need help understanding.
I am looking forward to spending that one one one time with you.

I love you,

Sarah.