why?

I've been struggling lately.. not because Josh broke up with me because I honestly could care less about that. I just don't understand why I lost the baby.
Every time I think about it now I start to cry.

I've been holding it in.
I don't want to seem weak.
I don't want to cry and have people think it's because I miss Josh because I don't.

I just want answers.
I want to know why.
I want to know if ill ever be able to have a child.
I want to know if having this miscarriage will prevent me from having another child.
I'm scared.
I feel alone.

I know I'm not alone, I'm surrounded by an amazing family and friends.
I just feel like I'm alone.

Then when I see my friends with their children or that they are expecting it makes me sad because that was supposed to be me too. And it's not anymore.

I'm afraid it never will be.

I don't want a child right now. I want to wait till I'm married and I'm with the right man now.

But it is just hard knowing that I lost a baby, that I lost my child, that I lost a part of me.
And I don't know why.
I don't understand.